Queensland

A 12-hour journey by air catapulted us to Queensland where we've been exploring the wonders of Cairns... or rather trying to escape being eaten alive or stung or pecked to death. It's very tropical over this part of the country as the humidity and 30 degree temperature indicates. It's bizarre to see ancient strangler-fig trees taking up the pavements, but a welcome relief from the row-upon-row of dive-outlets and cork-hat shops. I didn't know quite what to do when I found a kangaroo-scrotum bottle opener (the real job) a few days ago. Mix in a few groups of pissed-up blokes and you have Cairns in a nutshell. That's the city itself, of course there are the beaches which we've seen little of, but were intrigued enough by "Yorkie's Knob" to go and investigate. The beaches are very nice but those yellow signs are a little intimidating. Given that the harmelss-sounding 'Stingers' actually refer to the presence of the most poisonous species known to man - the Box Jellyfish. There body may only be 30 cm across, but its tentacles go on for 2 or 3 metres. As a bloke cheerfully informed us the other day "Get stung on your upper half of your body and without medical attention, you're dead within an hour." Thank goodness there is a bottle of emergency vinegar to be found on most beaches. Now I'm sorry, but if I'm attacked by some stinging monster of the deep, I don't think a bottle of Sarson's will fo far in my reassurrance.

A couple of nights in a lovely little traveller's rest called "Dreamtime" and sushi for 3 meals out of 4 and we were ready to hit the road again. Collecting our van from the Traveller's Autobarn (mark II), we were five minuted down the roads when we realised that the lock to the driver's side didn't work. A quick dash back to the depot and a swift lock-change had us on our way. It was only that night after stuffing it full of food, that we realsied the fridge didn't work. Nice one. We had to turn into proper campers and buy an Eskie (along with ice twice a day). A short drive down some snakey beach-side roads brought us to Mossman Gorge, a pretty swimming hole in the midldle of the pristine Daintree Rainforest. A gorgeous walk though the rainforest was nothing like the gruelling climatic extremes of the Bornean versions. However, it yielded none of the amazing wildlife either, but the sound-effects were all there.

Port Douglas is a bit of a swanky place, equipped with nice bars and posh-looking restaurants and hotels. It's probably the first time either of us have felt moany about cooking and eating in the a la carte kitchen and sleeping in the van. We wondered if we stood next to a table long enough whethere someone might feel sorry for us and chuck us a chicken drumstick, but we probably look far too well-nourished for that. After a nice Andy-dinner (sausage pasta), eaten whilst watching the fruit-bats swooping above our heads around the tree opposite, we headed out. Unfortunately, the bar hosting the evenings 'live cane toad racing' had sold out of tickets, so we went to the pub instead.

In order to reach Cape Tribulation, we had to board a ferry in the camper and take the 3 minute ride across the water. Somehow we felt much safer than a similar experience crossing that river in Laos with the motorbike. A trip down the river in the "River Train" provided a kind of Harry Potter meets Crocodile Dundee moment as we cruised along and absorbed information about the dangers of Northern Queensland. Not only did this involve being handed a jar full of Box Jellyfish (is that safe procedure on a moving vehicle?) whilst croc-spotting on the banks. Now your fresh-water crocs only grow to about 2 or 3 metres, but your saltwater (esturine) variety have reached proposterous dimensions of 10 metres (in India). 37 deaths have been attributed to croc-attacks in the past 100 years - the last one being only a year ago when a man decided to take on a big feller who was getting in the way of his fishing expedition. He met a very grizzly death but his wife managed to escape. They sleep on the bottom of the river, needing only one breath of air every four hours, and slow their heart-rate to 4 or 5 bpm. They thermoregulate by basking in the sun, something they need to do less and less now the water temperature is heating up (so they are harder to see).

Box-jellyfish, on the other hand have done away with 136 people in the last 7 years and contain enough toxin to see the demise of 27 humans in one go. We spotted three crocs in all, but they all looked quite small (2-3 metres), plus a tiny baby sitting on a log. We were accompanied throughout the trip by several green Tree Frogs who were temporarily residing on the boat, some nice birds with spoon-like bills and we stopped to look at a tree-snake and a python. It was an Amethystine Python is actually the largest snake in Oz, but is non-venemous. Apparently tree-dwelling snakes are relatively safe.

Cape Tribulation is World- Heritage listed as one of the very few places in the world where the rainforest meets coral reef. A much-photographed destination, the sweeping beach has beautiful views of the surrounding rainforest and mangroves. The only bummer is that there is a 4.5 metre salt-water croc living there at the moment. We couldn't quite realx enough to lie down, so went for a walk to the lookout instead. Visitors to the surrounding jungle area have recently sighted a large male Cassowary. These prehistoric-looking birds are related to the Kiwi and are massive and ugly and pecky and so approaching one is (surprise, surprise) quite dangerous. This one in particular has been approaching people and the signs advise you to make a lot of noise and clap at it if this occurs.

As if that weren't danger enough, you have to be vigilent on checking the tide-times before you head on down to the beach. Get it wrong and you find yourself in the middle of the mangrove with the water level rising around you. So, armed with our new tide-timetable, we headed off from our jungle camp to have a look about. Any excuse to abandon the community of travellers who were entertaining themselves by swirling batons around their heads and playing crap music for all to endure (oh dear). Our look about didn't get us far as I'd had the forthought to bring a box of vino with us. Anything to get Andy to sit down as
he just kept pacing about, periodically peering into the mangrove for any snapping jaws. We drank quite an amount of wine and ended up having a row about nothing, culminating in Andy abandoning our futile game of Scrabble. Evidence the next day suggested he's had a terrible selection of vowels. Luckily, arguments have been extremely few and far between - quite fortunate when you're living in the Scooby-Doo van. Stopping by at the Daintree Ice-cream Company (we had home-made apricot, raspberry, wattle seed and coconut, mmmm!), we paused to consider the fantastic surrounding landscapes and gardens (below right).

One particular noteworthy argument took place between us and an old bag who worked at the campsite in Port Douglas. I got the inkling she was a little controlling when she insisted on directing Andy into his precise camping spot. The next morning she came round with a clip-board and asked if we were leaving. Confirming that we were, she looked at her watch and said "Just watch your time" with an artificial grimace pasted to her mental face. It was quarter to 10 and checkout of these places is usually 10, but as you would expect, it's usually quite a relaxed affair as there are no beds to make or rooms to clean. Andy was on the BBQ doing some bacon, when she swirled by five minutes later, walky-talky clipped onto shorts. "Just making brekkie is he, well, you don't have..." I cut her off saying we wouldn't be long. Anyway, we'd just sat down to what was possibly the best bacon sarnie we've ever had (toasted Turkish bread, BBQ'd proper bacon and cherry tomatoes, mayo) when she couldn't resist coming over again to gleefully inform us that "If we weren't out by 10:15 she's be charging us for another day."

What an old boot. There were many people around us who were also leaving a little after time and they didn't seem to be getting the brunt of this old witch. As we sped out of there cursing and incredulousat 10:12, heartburn roaring in our chests as we noted that there were five empty spaces and nobody waiting to check-in. How dare she interrupt the best bacon buttie of our lives??? To think we were worried about an aggressive cassowary...

Time to explore this Great Barrier Reef...


Next installment : Will Sam & Andy find any giant cod in the Cod Hole?












Currently can't read quick enough: Between a Rock and a Hard Place, Aron Ralston.